Recently my friend Christina and I have been talking a lot about our recently found ’bouts of paranoia. You see while I am getting ready to have a baby, Christina is getting ready to get married, both huge life-changing events. We decided to both write a blog on this new-found paranoia to see the similarities and the differences between how we are both handling it. You can read her blog here.
As far as my new-found fear of the uncontrollable, it isn’t that I am always paranoid or anything like that, it’s the stupid stuff that I find myself suddenly worrying about that has me perplexed. I have never really been one to get all worked up about things I can’t control, but lately I find myself really worried about the craziest things.
*Quick break in the blog, I just ate the best peanut butter cookie ever!*
Back to paranoia……here is an example of something that gave me pause the other day, snow removal. Yup, I got very concerned about having a snow removal ‘plan’ should I go into labor during a snow storm (like my husband can’t hold a shovel or something). My fear lead me to think we should make sure our plow guy is comfortable being ‘on-call’ and we should have a back-up ‘plow-guy’ in case the first one can’t show up. Now if you don’t live in New England that probably sounds completely rational, but who is my next phone call going to be to….the state of MA? Should I let them know that I might go into labor and they should make sure my road is plowed at all times? Sure…..I’ll make that phone call……next time I feel like being laughed at.
So the thought about the ‘snow removal plan’ lasted for about 10 seconds before I realized that the weather is just out of my control and I am going to have to deal with it as it comes. See, the paranoia comes….attacks…and then leaves.
Other things that have worried me recently? A tree falling on our house, electrical fires, power outages, and some thing bigger than a mouse taking up residence in my attic. These are all normal things for people to NOT want to happen, but I’m not kidding when I tell you that I will sit up in the middle of the night sweating, heart-pounding, in a panic worried about an electrical fire burning down our house. Then I will tell myself to stop being stupid, go find one of the cats and drag them into bed with me. Some how they make it all better (although I am not sure they appreciate the under the covers, teddy-bear headlock).
The last thing that has been up there on the paranoia scale is something happening to my husband. My husband is the type of guy to totally brush off my fears about this, mostly because he thinks he is indestructible, but also because I don’t think anyone likes to think about their mortality. Whether it worries him or not is not the point, it worries me. Let’s get something straight here, I am not in this whole marriage-baby-thing to do it solo. I need my hubby to make this work, it’s the only way. And to think about him not being around to partner with me on this adventure is enough to make me sick to my stomach. This particular worry I think is VERY NORMAL, and therefore I don’t let myself dwell on it. Let’s be real, either one of us could get hit by a bus at any time…..and there is nothing I can do to change that other than put my husband in a bubble or lock him in the basement and I don’t think he would go for either.
I am sure paranoia is a normal occurence when you go through a lot of change and/or are facing a big change in your life. I have been kind of lucky so far, most of mine has been so insanely silly that I have been able to laugh it off. I figure letting go of things you can’t change is just practice for being a parent, so I might as well start now. Otherwise I’d be a stressed out, hungry, tiny-bladdered, over-tired pregnant woman. If you take the stress out, I’m just an always hungry, needs to be near a bathroom at all times pregnant woman who takes great pleasure in sleeping on the couch. Which is just fine with me.
